Happy Valentine’s Day! What will you do to celebrate?

You know, I wasn’t always that into celebrating Valentine’s Day but recently I have realized that you can make holidays what you want them to be. They don’t have to be all about commercialism. Whenever there is an opportunity to reframe popular ideas, then I think we should! We don’t have to accept the “standard” way of thinking as our only option. 

So, if Valentine’s Day is about love, then I like to remember that love can come in a lot of different forms. It’s important to understand that it doesn’t have to look like one specific thing. 

When focusing our attention on love, don’t forget to think about your relationship with yourself. Examining what that relationship looks like can help us in relationship with other people. Self-love has to come first. 

Yes! Can you share how you practice that?

People seem to get connected to the idea that Valentine’s is a romantic holiday, and that we should do certain things to celebrate it. But what if we shifted our focus to self love, and chose to make self care a priority? Further, what does it look like to extend the same loving spirit and energy to every day of the year? 

This way of thinking is very yogic, it’s related to the deep origins of what yoga philosophy is. Embodying the spirit of connecting to another way of thinking, and working to achieve a higher level of connection all the time. Then you don’t have to wait until February 14 and you can extend that sentiment as long as you want to.

I find this very empowering! That takes the pressure off the holiday and lets us not be attached to a certain outcome of how the holiday goes. When we can decide how we feel, instead of trying to feel a certain way because we’re “supposed to,” we have more power and awareness over our emotional state. 

So, to practice self care, I suggest dropping the notion that we must assign what it needs to look like. Simply be fully present in the current moment, and let it be that. Being IN every particular moment can be super magical and loving. 

Tell us a little bit about loving-kindness meditation.

Loving-kindness meditation, or “metta” meditation, is a simple way to cultivate compassion for ourselves and others. I work 9-5 in performing arts administration, and in that job I deal with lots of different people and personalities. Loving-kindness meditation is very helpful there in that it reminds me to ground myself, and be centered in my humanity as well as the humanity of others. 

To practice, start by extending love and goodwill to yourself. Meditate on self-love for as many breaths as you want, then begin to think about someone that you know. Someone neutral, that is relatable. Extend love and goodwill to them. 

Now imagine someone who is difficult and extend love and goodwill to them. This is harder! I have moments where I might feel annoyed at this person during this practice, but then I am able to recognize that they are probably just going through something, like all of us are. 

The same way I would want someone to extend compassion to me, I work to do that for someone else. We are all connected; we’re all doing the best we can.

Now that we’re mentally centered, could you take us through a few heart-opening poses? 

In order to be able to open our hearts, it’s important to feel grounded first. That’s why I always start my asana practice seated or lying down. 

Find a seat in hero pose (kneeling) or easy pose (legs crossed). Or lie down in corpse pose. These poses will help you find where the breath is, and focus on where it lives. 

Find a connection to what’s beneath you. 

Feel settled into your space and your body. 

Get quiet. Get away from all of the stimuli. 

Feel that you are safe. 

Breathe here for as long as you like.

In preparing to open your heart on a physical level, think about how the mental state plays into that. For me, working through interpersonal relationships and being able to extend kindness to other people, like in metta meditation, helps me get in the right mindset. 

Next, we can start to think about moving towards opening the heart space. Anatomically we’re not conditioned to open our chest. If you think about it, the ribs are there to protect our organs, to keep us safe. Moving in the opposite direction of that can feel really scary. 

When we start to understand these natural feelings, when we notice that we’re slouching or crossing our arms, we can begin to pull the shoulders down and back and lift our heart. Starting there, simply, helps us work towards the bigger moments.

Like many things, backbending and heart opening is a process, nothing happens overnight. But a little bit of effort goes a really long way over time. You have to be willing to surrender. 

This extends to a lot of things in life, by the way. It goes beyond the poses. There’s no need to do everything at once. Have the mindset to tackle a little bit at a time. Start subtly and trust that you can get there. 

So, when you’re ready to move, bring your hands to clasp behind the back, then lift your chest. Breathe here, opening across the collarbones, feeling your chest open up. 

If camel pose is in your practice, you can move into it next. Once you feel sufficiently open, rest back onto your heels and take a few deep breaths. 

Thank you so much for this conversation! Any final words of wisdom for us?

The beginning of the year, especially this year, everything feels new, which is exciting. But by February, that excitement might be wearing off. Maybe you set resolutions or intentions and your commitment to them is waning. 

Instead of abandoning that sense of newness, extend the spirit of the new year and remember that we start anew every day. Let the newness continue, and remember to be here now. 

Oh, and don’t forget to eat all the chocolate!